Updated: May 11
When you think of “confidence” what comes to mind? Is it an eloquent speaker or a successful business person that seems to always be winning? Here is another question. Do you view yourself in your image of confidence? If you answer “yes,” fantastic! You are living a strong and confident life. If you’re answer is no I’m going to tell you why.
Most of us get confidence wrong. Confidence is not just an image of success. It is really much more than that. It combines a strong belief in what you do and a willingness to experience negative emotions. This can be referred to as NET (Negative Emotion Tolerance). A willingness to feel a temporary uncomfortable feeling.
No one is immune to negative emotions but how much are you willing to let them keep you from doing what your heart believes in?
Ask yourself are you willing to feel negative emotions? Where in your life are you blocked because you’re not willing to feel regret, shame, fear? What things aren’t you doing? What conversations are you avoiding? Are you taking ownership for how you feel? Who are you blaming for how you feel? To grow to the next level of wherever you are in life you will have to feel all the feelings of where you currently are.
What is your tolerance to negative emotions such as fear, shame, and embarrassment? Are your beliefs in your values or what you feel called to do stronger than your desire to avoid negative feedback?
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself on your NET?
What is your willingness to risk feeling uncomfortable for a while?
Confident people who don’t get the results they want still keep moving towards their dreams despite the risk of negative emotions. They are willing to experience the full range of emotions. But isn’t that really what life is about? Isn’t that what makes us human our ability to have feelings?
We are going to experience negative emotions no matter what we do, so we might as well feel them while going after what we love in life.
This is the best part. In the process, something beautiful happens, we are demonstrating to other people confidence can be done which is very inspiring.
These positive emotions are contagious and become what Dream Career and Life Coach Julie Allen calls PES (Positive Emotion Spread).
So let’s all try to increase our NET and PES while building up our confidence for the next big thing!
Wanna practice? Speak to someone outside your comfort circle about a strong belief or dream you have.
Here is to a brave and more confident You!
Julie Allen is a Dream Career and Life Coach in the Seattle area. She helps young professional and open-minded individuals live meaningful dreams so they can live their purpose and full potential. Sign up for her free monthly Life tips at www.thestorymakers.net.
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